"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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