May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I touched a dick in church today
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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