Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
