just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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