Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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