Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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