Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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