I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
