i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
