So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
