Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Someone signed my nipple.
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