Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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