We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
