Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
