Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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