i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
