I've blown a few things in my day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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