I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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