I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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