I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
