i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
