I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
