dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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