i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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