How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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