Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
