lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
