I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
