Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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