im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
