I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
