So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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