i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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