saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
