I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
