fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
