His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
