My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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