I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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