I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
