Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
