I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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