you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
