Screwed.edu
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
