I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
