LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
