So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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