That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
