i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
