i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
