im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
