i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
