I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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